[Original] 10 Things You Should Do To Your Boyfriend

[An original thought-piece by YK Goon]

image0

Every now and then a listicle like 10 Things Men Should Strive For In Their Next Relationship begs to dissected. Written by one Ms. Wong, she proceed to selectively curate ten items from a reddit post that conform to her idea of relationship nirvana, otherwise known as female-porn.

Judging from the output it took her no more than 4 minutes. Which is 487 times faster than it took me to write this analysis.

I probably did her a huge favor by pointing two of you to her writing. She has to be overjoyed by the attention she's not getting from her imaginary boyfriend.

First, "Strive to be honest. I had old relationships that were full of dumb, insignificant lies and it was such a pain to keep track of them all. My current relationship with my wife is based on honest and open communication and, lo and behold, it works."

My woman wakes up hating the world. The moment she gets up, grogginess yet to fade away, she's in her true uninhibited state. She goes around the house yelling and complaining. If I'm within her eye sight, she'd look at me with contempt you'd reserve for your father's murderer. Because everything that is wrong, I caused it apparently.

That my friend, is honesty. Unfiltered, true-to-feeling, brutal but genuine honesty.

It sucks for me, but it's immensely soothing for her. (No girl, I'm not fucking encouraging you, pull yourself together.)

Now don't you feel sorry for me, I'm strong enough to enjoy the fuck out of this... or learning to.

You try be me and be honest about it. I guarantee you'd come out the other end accused of not giving her an outlet to be her real self and express her femininity.

I just fucking puked from writing femininity. Not for the idea itself, but the entitlement of it at the expense of everyone else.

Everybody is sick, one fucking way or the other. The pretentious kind will call it personality disorders and take pride in it. If you wanna be honest about it, please don't stop telling your girlfriend how she's being a fucking bitch to you every time you came home.

If you hold back because you wanna be understanding of her inner being and allow her to be the best self she can be, you're fucking hypocrite. How's that for honesty?

Let's try another one. "Treat your partner with love and respect, and when you don't feel like it, do it that much more."

What the fuck does that even mean? That belongs right along side management-fart like "we have to be hardworking and innovative".

If you don't feel like understanding it, understand it much more.

First of all, if the context of your relationship wasn't love and respect to begin with, what was it? Hate-fucking and diss-dating?

Rom-com ain't real, bitches.

Ambiguous statements like love and respect open up women's imagination like blood to sharks. It conjures up short but high burst of romantic fantasies on an unconditional level.

And then they come back to the real world where things you know, pretty conditional. Remember how porn damage sex for guys? You're doing the same to your readers' relationships.

Ms. Wong, your writing is not the crime. In Pleasantville, most of your work could actually be good ideas.

In the real world however, your bigger crime is in miseducating your fellow women into imposing ideals in their partners that are unrealistic, unattainable and ultimately condoning greener-pasture thinking.

And god knows how many men you damaged over the years who you casually misguided into wussy-ville and never got out. Look no further than what Carrie did to Aidan in Sex and the City. I know your literature, where d'ya think real game come from?

If you're wondering how or why I landed on the toxic wasteland that is HuffPost, let me give you the same cliche they've been feeding you with: relationship needs work. I guess by working on it means I have to concede that the 'experts' are right.

Oh if you landed here because of the title, shame on you.